Breakups HURT!! Yes, it wreaks inner havoc. It’s crazy how the same guy who  never really swept you off your feet in the beginning, can cause so much hurt and pain at the end of a relationship. 

Especially when you believed you were dating “the person of your dreams”, it hurts even more. You may agonize over the good memories and promises that were made. You may even question; where did it all go wrong? In some relationships, things can go from being passionately in love to distant and emotionally unavailable detachment. 

The emotional pain of a breakup can cause resentment and grief. It may result in sleepless nights, loss of appetite, skipping of meals and a loss of concentration. This pain can consume you if you don’t address it in a healthy way to heal and get back on your feet again. 

If you can’t get over your breakup, there are things you should be aware of that may be aggravating your breakup pain. Here are the 6 mistakes to avoid after a breakup:

• Keeping painful reminders around you
• Avoiding the people who love and value you
• Staying in contact with the person
• Moving on to another relationship too quickly
• Bad-mouthing the person who you just broke up with
• Negative self-talk

1.     Keeping painful reminders around you. Those pictures, videos, and social media posts with the two of you together may trigger more emotional pain. When surrounding your thoughts, vision, and environment with the things that remind you of the heart break of the relationship, it can cause more pain, resentment, regret, and anger. Protect your senses by uncluttering all the reminders of your ex. Give his belongings back to him or box everything up and put them away. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “out of sight, out of mind.” It’s important to detoxify your mind from all the painful reminders of your ex. You may also consider blocking him/her on social media, deleting posts and pictures of the two of you and using your energy to focus on healing.  

2.     Avoiding the people who love and value you. During the grieving stage of your breakup, you may dislike going out with others or avoid spending time in social environments. The pain of the breakup may cause you to isolate yourself from those who love and value you. However, during this time in your life, it’s important to surround yourself with people who appreciate you. It’s also best to spend time with people who encourage you to heal in a healthy way. Avoid people who encourage you to abuse alcohol or drugs as a form of numbing yourself from the pain of the heart break. Instead of comforting you, it will only intensify the pain and guilt once the effects have worn off.  

3.     Staying in contact. In my book “Addicted to Pain: Renew Your Mind and Heal Your Spirit from a Toxic Relationship in 30 Days,” I wrote about the “No Contact Rule”. Create a plan of no personal contact with your ex. I understand this may be difficult, but it’s very necessary for your healing process. This is possible even if the two of you have kids. You will simply start to treat your ex like a coworker or business partner and nothing more. You want to be sure of respecting each other for the kids’ sake but avoiding any and all conversations that a ren’t about your children. If you don’t have children, delete your ex’s contact information, block his phone number and remove his ability to contact you via social media and messaging outlets. It’s especially important you make a deliberate break in order to heal. When past lovers fail to let go completely, they often relapse and find themselves going back and forth between each other, piling more hurt, confusion and heartbreak onto wounds that never had a chance to heal.

4.     Moving on to another relationship too quickly. Many people rush into rebound relationships much too soon after a breakup to relief the pain. Unfortunately, many of the rebound relationships can cause even more pain and the consequences can be worse than the previous relationship. Be patient with yourself when you’ve just ended a relationship. It takes time to heal. After a breakup a huge part of you wants the pain to end and disappear overnight. That’s normal but breaking up a relationship is much like having spiritual/emotional surgery. It’s similar to a physical surgery in the hospital where you are given a timeframe before your body is ready for normal activity.  The same is true of healing from a breakup. It’s best to date yourself for a while. Analyze what you could have done differently, and spend time nurturing your mind, body, and spirit. Take your time. Don’t rush into a new relationship without doing the self-love and inner work to build yourself up. 

5.     Bad-mouthing the person who you just broke up with. What you constantly verbalize/speak is what you constantly create. There is power in your words. Bad-mouthing your ex will only escalate the pain and anger. You may be right; he probably was wrong. But if you keep talking about how wrong he was and if you keep saying negative things about him you will magnify the wrong he did in your life. Sometimes you can recreate the same unpleasant treatment by attracting a new relationship with the same negative results. Instead, only use your words to advance your life. What you say will eventually direct your actions, behavior, habits and ultimately your life. If you want to change anything in your life one of the most powerful mind programming strategies is the use of auto-suggestion. Auto-suggestion is another term for speaking affirmations. It is the process of using your words to create change in your behavior.

6.     Negative self-talk. Your entire life starts with your thoughts. And your words give life to those thoughts which ultimately creates your life outcomes through your actions and beliefs. You may blame yourself for some of the things that happened in your hostile relationship and that inner blame may cause negative self-talk. As you start speaking life over yourself, you will begin to develop and grow your faith. The more you believe in your words the more your actions will follow that belief. Your life will begin to manifest a new positive reality created by your consistent dedication to becoming a better you.

What’s most important is getting you to a place in your life where you will never attract another toxic relationship that leaves you in so much pain. This is why I’m offering you a chance to download my free eBook “Toxic Love Detox”. I also have a free video series to gift you. Click this link to get your video series and eBook.