Grief is a natural response to losing someone whether through a breakup, separation from an abusive relationship, divorce or death.
Grief happens in phases.
- The first phase is shock; your mind may shut down, become numb and refuse to face reality. Shock is a coping mechanism designed to keep you from feeling overwhelmed and consumed with emotions. Once you begin to acknowledge the pain, you will move out of the shock phase. If you’re the one offended, acknowledge the hurt and rejection you feel. Are you humiliated or embarrassed? Are you ashamed and worried what others may think?
- Next is the review stage, this is when you began to acknowledge the reality of the loss. You’ll evaluate the situation and often replay what happened over and over again. This phase can be very emotional and often depressing, so expect to be angry, sad and resentful. It’s best to journal during this phase. Write out your feelings, thoughts and emotions. It is normal to experience confusion and disturbance in sleep patterns and appetite. This is normal because your brain is trying to reorganize the world; the world as it once was structured is now gone. Writing in your journal, praying and meditating will help you organize your thoughts. It’s also important to write everything down and pay attention to your calendar. Your memory may not be functioning at its best while grieving. If you're grieving an emotionally abusive relationship there are times when you may justify the hurt and pain your partner caused you. It's very important that you heal from the toxic mindset. Preventing abusive relationships in the future will help you create healthy boundaries for healthier relationships.
- Acceptance is the final phase of grieving. Acceptance is simply understanding that what has happened is real and cannot change. Acceptance is not being completely healed but it's learning how to live a healthy life while embracing the changes of reality.
Excerpt from “Addicted To Pain”
There are some things in life that are certain: everyone will die and all love ends in pain. No matter how we experience romantic love, heartache is always the end result, sometimes because of divorce, death or due to a breakup.
It may sound harsh, but when you open your heart to accept the reality of heartache, you can freely embrace love rather than avoid it. If you go through life being afraid of heartache, you deprive your chance to love because grief and pain are love’s price ticket. Instead of fearing love, embrace the courage required to receive it.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” –Psalm 34:18
Understand that grief is a normal and healthy way of healing emotional pain; instead of avoiding it and numbing yourself with drugs, alcohol or sex, draw close to God. God will walk with you through the healing path of grief.
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Bestselling author, and relationship expert, Rainie Howard is renowned for helping people transform their lives with a focus on spiritual growth and purpose. Rainie has authored several books including, Addicted To Pain and When God Sent My Husband.
Ranked one of the top bestseller abusive relationship books, Addicted to Pain reveals the truths every woman needs to heal from a toxic relationship and return to a life rich with purpose and fulfillment. Rainie serves as Founder of several privately held companies in such industries as education, and personal development. Rainie Howard is the CEO of Rainie Howard Enterprises and the founder of Sisters of Hope Inc. For more of her story, go here
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