toxic-relationships

Get over a Breakup When You Still Love Them

Rainie Howard

getting over a breakup

As much as breakups hurts, it’s even more painful when you still deeply love your ex. The breakup is an event that occurred, but you can’t deny the fact that you love him. Maybe you didn’t really want to breakup, but it was necessary. Regardless of the situation I want you to understand that it’s completely normal to still love a person even after the relationship has ended. The love you still have for your ex makes the breakup emotionally painful.


Listen, you shared memories, time, plans and connection it’s healthy to still have love. You are human, you can’t just delete your feelings for a person when the relationship ends. It’s unrealistic to think emotions will go away. I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself and embrace the process of healing as I share six ways to get over your breakup when you still love them.

#1 Focus on a new vision

Focus on a new vision for your life. It’s common to blend your life’s vision with the vision of the person you’re in a relationship with. However, when a relationship ends, it’s very painful to realize your vision for the connection you shared is no longer. Not only has the relationship ended but it feels like your hopes, dreams and vision for real love connection has ended. You don’t have to dwell in defeat as though all love has ended for you. You can now envision a new, exciting, and amazing love. You don’t have to give up on your vision, get inspired to focus on a new improved vision for your relationship and your life. Start by asking yourself, what does a happy relationship of love and connection look like in my future?

#2 Get clear on what’s best for you

Get clear on what’s best for you. I’m sure you learned a lot after going through that painful breakup. I want to encourage you to seek out the lessons. Every relationship has lessons for you to learn. You may learn to take your time, be more observant and not ignore red flags. You may still be learning and going through the healing and if you still don’t feel as if you’ve learned any lessons think back on where things went wrong. It’s important that you do the work and get clear on what’s best for you. The clearer you get about the valuable lessons, the more you can understand yourself and the more prepared you will be in the next relationship. If you don’t learn the relationship, you’re more likely to repeat the same patterns that worked against you in your previous relationship.

#3 Commit a healthy mind, body, & spirit

Commit to the health of your mind, body, and spirit. You must first commit fully to a healthy mind, body, and spirit before you can expect to get over your breakup or even be aligned for other healthy relationships. Like attracts like. Healing from depression, fear, anxiety, and other emotional pain is necessary to a healthy happy life. It’s important to commit daily to strengthen your mind, body, and spirit through healthy techniques like meditation and affirmations and exercise and clean eating. Having a daily health routine nurture, you as a person and contributes to your self-image and confidence. The relationship you have with yourself impacts the relationships you have with others. It starts with you. Prioritize self-love and you can properly heal and experience more love with others.

#4 Forgive yourself & your ex

Make the decision to forgive yourself and your ex. Forgiveness is the key to healing the heart. Make the decision that you are choosing to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive your ex. This is not always easy to do and actually requires a consistent daily commitment to let go of resentment and pain. It’s not something you can do once and then it’s done. This process of forgiveness such be revisited frequently. Emotional pain has levels and just like peeling an onion you have to unpeel the emotional layers of pain. It’s a process so be patient with yourself, it’s not something you can just do over night. Forgiveness techniques like writing out a letter and journaling your emotion work great to releasing emotional pain.

#5 Create a relationship audit

Create a relationship audit. Review the entire relationship and get clear on what went right and what went wrong. Analyze the relationship and understand the purpose it served. In my book Addicted to Pain, I walk readers through a 7-day relationship audit plan. I give you the exact questions to answer and analyze concerning your relationship. You can start by asking yourself, what did I appreciate most about the relationship and what would I like to have done differently? The more you get clear on what made you happy, sad, resentful, and grateful concerning your past relationship, the easier it will become to heal.

#6 Set new goals

Set new goals. In the beginning of your past relationship, you had different goals. Maybe your goals were to fall in love, get married, start a family, or develop a friendship. Now that you are in a new and different season of your life, it’s time to create new goals. You now need to get clear on the new desires, dreams, goals and plans for your life and relationship. Your goal right now may be to heal. Create a list of goals and start making a plan to take small steps daily moving you in the direction of a healthy, happy life.  


Breakup can often feel like experiencing a death. It is really, the death of a relationship. You once had a vision of potentially how far the relationship could go. You shared your time, attention, and affection with your ex and that is priceless and sacred. Although the relationship ended you still have memories and experiences. Be patient with yourself throughout the healing process. Take it one step at a time. It requires a daily self-care commitment to healing and developing new self-worth reinforcements that creates new neural pathways that rewire your brain and serves you better. To start your healing journey, join my free Toxic Love Detox Challenge at www.healtoxiclove.com 


Ranked one of the top bestseller abusive relationship books, Addicted to Pain reveals the truths every woman needs to heal from a toxic relationship and return to a life rich with purpose and fulfillment. Learn more by clicking here.




Author: Rainie Howard

Rainie Howard is a relationship expert reaching millions online as an award-winning CEO and Podcast host of The Rainie Howard Show. For the past six years, Rainie has sold more than 120,000+ copies of eight books as a self-published author. Rainie also hold a master’s in business management and leadership.


Editor's Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.



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