You just went through a breakup and now you need to heal. It hurts thinking about what went wrong. The heartbreak and pain can sometimes feel unbearable. You are not alone, unfortunately this is the pain of broken promises, destroyed dreams and lost love. However, there’s hope for you and you can heal.
Going through a breakup is similar to going through an injury. When a person is physically injured there is a process of recovery. Going to your doctor for guidance on treatment, taking time to rest and nurture your wounds and giving it the proper attention needed to completely heal. However, when people breakup (emotional injury) they don’t always properly heal. Many people avoid healing and instead ignore the emotional pain, distract themselves from the healing process and work hard to move on into a new relationship. This leads to layers of suppressed emotional pain. Instead of ignoring the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical pain of a breakup, make a commitment to heal. The following are seven ways to start healing now after a breakup.
#1 Take time to process everything
Take time to process everything. The process of healing is a gradual process, it doesn’t happen over night it requires your relentless daily commitment. Before you start taking action and trying to figure everything out, it’s important to process what has happened. Allow yourself to sit still and feel the feelings as they come. Make peace with what is, even if you don’t understand and find it hard to believe, allow yourself time and space to process everything. You don’t have to have the answers now, the clarity and answers often come after you have allowed yourself time to process everything. Take life one moment at a time. You don’t have to have know what your life will look like a year from now.
#2 Be patient with yourself.
Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time and patience. At times you may feel confused about your conflicting feelings of love and resentment. Some days you may really miss your ex and feel strong feelings of love and other days you will have feeling of disappointment and anger. These feelings are normal, allow them to flow and be patient with yourself. Try not to blame yourself or get angry with yourself for having uncontrollable feelings. This is the most important time to be kind to yourself. Your patience and loving attitude are going to help you heal quicker and in a healthier way.
#3 Get busy with self-care
Get busy with self-care. Just like you have to commit to a daily plan of nurture, care, work, and rest when healing a physical injury, emotional healing requires the same consistent care. It’s important to apply mental, emotional, and physical techniques that can assist you in healing from a breakup. Some transformational techniques consist of meditation, prayer, exercise, speaking positive affirmations and journaling. Your self-care routine should be connected to your daily habits, just like you shower and brush your teeth daily, self-care must become a daily practice.
#4 Laugh and cry, release the emotions that come up
Laugh and cry, release the emotions that come up. Don’t hold back your emotions. If you want to cry, allow it, but also get intentional about creating opportunities to laugh. Watch a comedy and give yourself permission to have fun through laughter. Treat yourself by booking a spa day and allow yourself to relax by getting a massage. It’s very important to not just spend months of crying and feeling sad. Be very intentional about expressing yourself through funny moments, quiet relaxing moments, and peaceful gratitude moments. Become aware of your emotional state and make the decision to create a healthy management of your emotions.
#5 Practice Forgiveness
Practice Forgiveness. Make the decision to forgive yourself and your ex. Forgiveness is the key to healing the heart. Make the decision that you are choosing to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive your ex. This is not always easy to do and actually requires a consistent daily commitment to let go of resentment and pain. It’s not something you can do once and then it’s done. This process of forgiveness such be revisited frequently. Emotional pain has levels and just like peeling an onion you have to unpeel the emotional layers of pain. It’s a process so be patient with yourself, it’s not something you can just do over night. Forgiveness techniques like writing out a letter and journaling your emotion work great to releasing emotional pain.
#6 Focus on healing and strengthening yourself
Focus on healing and strengthening yourself. It’s very easy to get distracted and to lose your focus of healing. The process of healing requires complete commitment, and it can take you on an emotional roller-coaster which is why so many people avoid the healing process. It’s more appealing to get over focused on other things like dating, career growth or numbing emotions through drinking and partying. Don’t get me wrong, you can do those things in moderation and still focus on healing and strengthening yourself. You can show your commitment to your healing by sticking to a set time daily to meditate and journal. You can also show commitment by hiring a therapist, personal trainer and committing to your mind, body, and spirit by making investments in those activities. Your identity is based on what you are committed to doing daily.
#6 Commit to a new norm
Commit to a new norm. That breakup happened and now it’s time to embrace a new you. Focus on a new vision for your life. It’s common to blend your life’s vision with the vision of the person you’re in a relationship with. However, when a relationship ends, it’s very painful to realize your vision for the connection you shared is no longer. Not only has the relationship ended but it feels like your hopes, dreams and vision for real love connection has ended. You don’t have to dwell in defeat as though all love has ended for you. You can now envision a new, exciting, and amazing love. You don’t have to give up on your vision, get inspired to focus on a new improved vision for your relationship and your life. Start by asking yourself, what does a happy relationship of love and connection look like in my future?
Breakup can often feel like experiencing a death. It is really, the death of a relationship. You once had a vision of potentially how far the relationship could go. You shared your time, attention, and affection with your ex and that is priceless and sacred. Although the relationship ended you still have memories and experiences. Be patient with yourself throughout the healing process. Take it one step at a time. It requires a daily self-care commitment to healing and developing new self-worth reinforcements that creates new neural pathways that rewire your brain and serves you better. To start your healing journey, join my free Toxic Love Detox Challenge at www.HealToxicLove.com
Rainie Howard is a relationship expert reaching millions online as an award-winning CEO and Podcast host of The Rainie Howard Show. For the past six years, Rainie has sold more than 120,000+ copies of eight books as a self-published author. Rainie also hold a master’s in business management and leadership.
Editor's Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.