Breaking up and ending a relationship is not only emotionally painful but research show that people can also experience physical pain after leaving a relationship. So why is it hard to leave a toxic relationship? The withdrawal effects of ending a relationship are often compared to the detoxing experience from eliminating a drug addiction.Yet, people often wonder, why is it hard to leave a toxic relationship? Here are the biggest reasons it’s challenging to leave a toxic relationship:
#1 You mistake jealousy as love
Jealousy is not love. Just because your partner displays jealousy doesn’t mean your partner is in love. Sometimes the jealousy of your partner can feel flattering and gratifying.However, jealous is toxic and unhealthy especially when your partner tries to isolate you from your friends and family or acts overly controlling when you interact with others in a friendly way.Never ignore the signs of jealousy in a relationship. Studies show that majority of women in toxic relationships experienced early signs of jealousy. These are warning signs of toxic men as well as signs of a toxic woman. Jealousy and controlling behaviors are red flags to a dangerously toxic relationship.
#2 Deep down inside you believe you deserve it, or you can’t do any better
You may have a fear of leaving a toxic relationship because you believe you can’t do any better. Maybe you aren’t happy with yourself and who you’ve become. You may struggle with insecurity and a low self-esteem. You may not be aware that subconsciously you believe you deserve some of the toxic treatment. I want you to know its ok and the first step to overcoming that insecurity is having awareness and addressing it. It’s important to no longer allow yourself to feel stuck and complacent in a toxic relationship.
#3 The “Don’t Give Up” Mindset of Society
Society often awards the endurance of time. People are celebrated for being married for 30 years and not leaving a toxic marriage. We are often told, don’t give up, hold on and stand through the test of time.
But the truth is, there are somethings in life you need to just give up on. There are some friendships, relationships and marriages that should end. Everything isn’t meant to last forever.
People are struggling to know how to end a toxic relationship because they are consistently told to not give up. Even though giving up may seem like failure, getting out of a toxic relationship is an achievement. It’s important to encourage yourself and end the addiction and pain of a toxic relationship.
#4 Fear of being alone
You dread being alone. You don’t want to live a life alone and you don’t want the reputation and image of being by yourself. You’re aware of the way society views people in relationships as more stable.
You want to maintain a certain image of being in a relationship and it’s very important that you uphold that identity. Your social media is full of pictures with your partner and ending the relationship will cause you to question your identity and the displaying image of your life online.
It’s important that you become aware of your beliefs and understand that your emotional and mental health is much more important than maintaining an image of being in a relationship. Recovering from a toxic relationship is much more important than expressing others. Being single doesn’t mean you’re alone.
You don’t have to be alone. Also, you not being in a relationship is not your identity. You are so much more than that.
#5 Fear of the unknown
That toxic relationship is familiar and predictable. Leaving is stepping into the unknown. Getting out of a toxic relationship takes personal strength, focus and dedication, this is a major reason why it’s hard to leave a toxic relationship.
Many people decide to stay because majority of the time the relationship is fun and then other times it’s toxic. The truth is the toxic times outweigh the fun times because its extreme and damaging.
However, like any other addiction those hooked on a toxic love and an emotionally unhealthy relationship; have no control over excessive urges to text, call, manipulate or beg for love, attention, and affection. They want help.
Rainie Howard is a relationship expert reaching millions online as an award-winning CEO and Podcast host of The Rainie Howard Show. For the past six years, Rainie has sold more than 120,000+ copies of eight books as a self-published author. Rainie also hold a master’s in business management and leadership.
Editor's Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.